My husband works a decent job and receives a retirement check every month. He takes care of the mortgage, while I work and pay the bills (water, trash, my car note, my car insurance, and half of the groceries). My health insurance is under him because he’s retired military, and he claims that money is deducted from his check for the CHAMPVA insurance covering me, but I’m not sure how true that is.

He rarely contributes to my car’s fuel, maybe a maximum of six times a year, and I take care of any extras I might need, like hair, nails, lashes, makeup, etc. I never ask him for money for these things. When we go on trips, I pay for my plane ticket. I don’t have kids; he has one who is 16.

My issue is that when I ask him for something, he says, “Your bills don’t amount to much… you’ve got money, why would I need to give or send you money?” Recently, I was out of town and asked him to pay for a meal—just one meal, not the trip itself. Of course, I had the money to cover it, but when he said no, I ended up paying for my meal. I’ve been bitter ever since because I don’t ask for much at all, and I feel like he’s being selfish.

He recently bought a $40,000 bike and then an $80,000 truck within just a few months, but he told me he couldn’t pay for a meal. He also said he doesn’t buy flowers because they die. I feel unappreciated, and he tries to make me feel as if I’m selfish for asking for small things.

I’m feeling lost and need some perspective on this situation.