A few days ago I made a post about a rental car and the dilemma it caused in my marriage. Someone suggested just saying no, I understood that was an option but I didn’t want my kids (or myself) to suffer the consequences of my saying no. On Saturday, I allowed my husband to take the car for his first shift but then I got a call that he wanted to run errands in between shifts meaning I wouldn’t be able to take the kids out for a fun day.

I said No! It was scary but I said no and just as I suspected he lashed out. He called out from work, he brought home beer and he ignored our children when they tried talking to him. Luckily I’d warned them it would happen and that it wasn’t their fault.

I took the kids on the outing but I had so much anxiety built up inside of me I almost didn’t make it to the outing. I wanted to turn around and go back home but I toughed it out and I’m glad I did because my children had an amazing time and even made new friends.

That brings us to today, I’m filing for divorce. This isn’t just about the rental car, no that’s just a minor symptom of a major problem.

On yesterday I woke up and made everyone breakfast. I went grocery shopping to reset the week, carried the groceries in and put them away all the while my husband who decided he’d take a week off to recover from the car situation sat on the couch having a beer. One of our children wasted milk on one of the dogs, another of our children was sick which is also why I needed to grocery shop. He put the dog into a room with me and told me I needed to clean her off.

This is where I had my realization>>> I asked if he could clean the dog and he said no. I asked if he could clean the milk from the floor and he said no. I asked what was he going to do while I made our sick daughter soup, cleaned milk and cleaned the dog and he said nothing. I told him the dog would have to wait and he threatened to use the water house which has a pressure that’s way too strong for an animal. I then told him I’d cooked, grocery shopped and before I could finish my sentence he said:

“I don’t give a fuck about what all you’ve done today”

That one sentence was it, I know it may sound minuscule but it’s a lot to someone who had endured so much over a long period of time. My husband used technicalities to get his way and threats of actions he knows I don’t like and he does it without regard for my mental health. He even made fun of me crying almost every day not realizing that he’s the reason.

I have stayed in this marriage because I took my vows very seriously and because I’m a Christian but I honestly don’t believe that this is a marriage God would want me in. So, today I begin the process of divorce and for the first time in a very long time I am looking forward to something.