hate myself

My boyfriend of 5 years has been on and off dating apps throughout the last year. before that he was making facebook instagram and snapchat accounts to talk to girls. none of which look like me. i’m black and he’s always looking at white girls and ones with bigger asses. he always says he’s going to change and i’m the one for him but his actions show otherwise. idk why it’s so hard for me to leave him. and i hate myself for it.

we have such a good and close funny relationship. we grew together so fast when we started dating. and it’s hard to imagine my life without him but i hate myself for believing him and still having a hard time walking away.