New mom here with a 5 month old. Postpartum has been so hard. Been battling a recurring postpartum infection for four months now, being a stay at home mom, my husband being little help, and having PPD.

It took me 3 years to get pregnant with my daughter. I nearly died having her and I am so thankful to have her. She is the best thing to ever happen to me and I would walk to the ends of the earth for her. BUT most days I hate being a mother. My husband and I fight all the time. He doesn’t want to spend anytime with me or help me with our daughter. I get very little time to myself. My daughter is going through a phase where she won’t nap or sleep at night and she just cries and screams all the time. I can’t keep the house clean because she wants me to hold her most of the day and when I can put her down I am so exhausted I just want to sit in silence. I miss me. I miss my marriage. I miss when my body was actually my body and was healthy. I feel defeated and like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I dread waking up in the morning to be a parent. I feel so lonely that I can’t stand it anymore. I feel like a terrible mother. I am to the point where I wish my husband just wouldn’t come home because he doesn’t want to help me with her and he doesn’t want to talk to me or anything. He just comes home and makes a bigger mess for me to try to tend to. Am I alone? What do I do?

I am starting therapy again this week with a new therapist in hopes this will help.

I am at a complete loss and feel like I’m ready to go to the airport with a one way ticket and leave for a few weeks just for a break from my life.