I am mean and selfish

My parents of course love me and my boyfriend, but no one else does.

I’m mean and selfish and most of it stems from insecurity and social anxiety. Maybe I’m autistic. I don’t know. I act stand off ish, I’m always complaining. I’m always overwhelmed and stressed out.

All I know is that I want to become a better person. But if I have a mental illness I’m scared it’ll never get better and I’ll never change.