Doesn’t pray for me. Something just pulled on me to ask him if he did (because I do amongst so many other things I pray for and talk to God about) and he said not once. Not even when I and our newborn baby almost died during birth almost 3 months ago. I’m so heartbroken and just feeling lost on our marriage.

I’ve forgave him and am trying to work through everything he’s done to me in our marriage and this just tops the cake it feels like.

On top of this, he has had his way about sex and I’m praying I’m not pregnant from it. The last birth was so so traumatic and he had the nerve to tell me that my c section was easy and so short that he doesn’t care of my wishes to at least wear a condom even when he wants sex and I don’t. That he doesn’t care if I get pregnant again because it was just so easy.

I’ve been praying for guidance and I just don’t know what to do. Leaving right now is not an option. It’s just not and everyone gives shit to those that don’t stay and try and make a marriage work, even for the kids. It’s like having a Scarlett letter above your head. I want my husband to care about me, about our marriage and babies. But he’s so selfish and narcissistic.. it doesn’t matter if I talk until I’m blue in the face. I’ve cried now most of this morning.