Hey everyone. I’m currently trying to heal and get over my last relationship… and I need help. I was with my ex for a very long time. He cheated two separate time frames…. 10 months the first time, 5 the second time… and I left him. Both stints were with the same woman. She told me about it the first time, acted like she didn’t know about me (she did and I knew she did) and then when she saw I wasn’t leaving, she verbally attacked my appearance to me and my (now) ex.

Here’s my issue. People always talk about when men cheat “down.” You know the story, the other woman is trashy, unattractive, etc etc. That typical narrative. This isn’t that. This is also why I can’t tell family and friends because of course they’re partial and want me to not feel inferior and would never tell me she was “better”.. but I’m a realist. I look at this woman. I think she’s pretty. She’s in shape and has a better shape than me, she has long pretty hair that she’s able to style, cut and color often.. she makes really good money (another thing she was sure to rub in my face). She can afford all types of outfits, name brand things, vacations, etc. She was also able to afford freezing her eggs (we’re both late 30s).

How do you get past it when he cheated “up?” I don’t compare to her really in any way, which is why she was able to rub things in my face… she knows I don’t. I know how crazy it sounds but I literally cannot stop comparing myself and dwelling on it. How do you get past it?

(Also because after reading some of those things I’m sure you’re wondering. I can’t seem to get my hormones and cortisol under control so I gained weight… I was in shape but still didn’t have a curvy pretty shape like her (I’m tall and she’s not)… my hair was falling out bad when he and I were together and I’m trying to fix that now. I went back to school and got a degree but she has been at her job for a long time and makes substantial money, etc)

Please be nice. I’m just trying to figure out how to stop beating myself up.