So a little background: We are an interracial couple, different race, different culture, we both speak English but he speaks 3 other languages as well. He’s lived in many different countries because during his childhood his parents were trying to give him the best life so they had to move around. He’s been around people who don’t like him because of his looks. I am a black woman from CA. This is all important to know.

Now a few years ago a family member was in a tragic accident. So my husband and I travelled to be with the rest of my family to mourn. During that time my sister asked me why my husband was there because he wasn’t apart of our family. I was so shocked seeing as how her boyfriend was there, and my husband and I had been together already for 5 years.

Fast forward to the day our first son was born, my mom and grandma were there along with my in-laws. I was focusing on laboring but I did notice how my mom was kind of stand off ish, to me it seems like she maybe was upset that she wasn’t the only mom in the room. I didn’t say anything cause again I wasn’t really focused on anyone else during that time.

Side note: My in-laws paid for our <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a> which came out to $27k. My mom never even said anything to them about it, like thank you for helping my daughter get pregnant blah blah, nothing.

Anyway before the labor and delivery day came we told our parents that only my husband would be in the room during the delivery, and after the baby was born they could come in and see him but we wanted alone time after that.

Fast forward the baby comes, they come in to see him and I notice my FIL looked upset. I guess my FIL was trying to calm my mom down and he said something like “She’ll be okay, this is her first child, when they have their next one it’ll be better” something like that. And my mom snapped at him rudely they said and said “no she won’t be having anymore kids” I thought that was weird since I told my mom I wanted at least 3 kids.

Anyway it upset my husband enough that he unleashed all of these feelings that he’d been keeping to himself. He told me how he felt my mom was racist, she never made him feel welcome in our family, she was always rude to his parents barely speaking to them, and so much more. I had no idea. He told me he never wanted to see her again! This was a shock to my system seeing as how I just had a baby and I thought we would have all of this family time.

I told my mom what was going on and she immediately said idk what he’s talking about, she said “black people cant be racist” she denied the allegations. I asked her even if you don’t THINK you offended him you did, can you please just apologize. She never did.

19 months later my husband and I don’t argue about this anymore because I realized that my husbands feelings were valid. I was sticking up for my mom so much that I wasn’t realizing that he was actually hurt.

He never ever tried to keep me away from my family, he just made it known that he wouldn’t be around them.

Tbh I lost respect fort mom, sister and grandma. They never once owned up and said let’s make this right, in fact they act like nothing happened. My husband and I stayed up many nights arguing and almost divorcing due to the racism and disrespect he says he’s faced the last 9 years. They don’t even know how much hurt they’ve caused.

My sister (the one who said my husband wasn’t family) got married recently and is having her reception this weekend. It’s like you didn’t have respect for my marriage but everyone wants me to just forget all the harm that was done to my husband and have fun with them like old times.

If you were in my situation what would you do? I need honest advice, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?