My ex husband wasn’t a terrible man but honestly he was very emotionally abusive and manipulative. It took me a long time to realize what he was doing to me and now I thankfully haven’t seen him in over a year.

When we were first married we started trying and we got lucky and I fell pregnant the first time around. Unfortunately I miscarried. It started a trend of me anxiously testing every time we tried again for the next year or so. By the end of our marriage I’d lost 5 pregnancies (thankfully all before 10 weeks because idk how I’d handle all the trauma my sister has been through). But because of the losses and anxious testing he became a real dick. He’d constantly make fun of me making jokes about being unfit to be a mother, or that the universe just thinks my genetics are shit. He’d even get his friends to make snide comments when I’d go to the bathroom about testing etc.

Now I’m in a healthy relationship and we aren’t trying but we aren’t being the most careful cuz he only pulls out cuz I can’t take bc it alters my body too much and I feel foreign and unlike myself (trust me I’ve done everything from pill to implant to depo shot) and I came home from my trip to his home and took a test cuz I was late. (Could be from travel idk) but the fear and anxiety and shame of testing came back in full force and I can’t shake the feelings and I just wanted to write this as a PSA

If you have a partner and you’re trying to conceive and they make unsupportive cruel or mean comments just know first off you aren’t alone others have been there too and your fear and anxiety in this process is so valid and fair to be feeling and furthermore you deserve your partner to be loving and supportive as you go through this process together. You don’t deserve to be bashed for testing a lot or for panicking over potential loss or whatever your situation is like. You deserve the compassion and care and love as much as you give them during these times.

Ok sorry for my long winded rant I’m just in an odd head space and needed a supportive outlet 🖤