How do I address this

I have one brother. We grew up extremely close call it trauma bond or just we were close in age. We were each other's best friends. This all changed when we were adults. My father was extremely abusive. Mostly to me. He treated me like a second class citizen a servant and like I was an idiot. My father has passed on now. I did therapy to deal with my trauma both physical and emotional abuse. My mom divorced my dad to protect me when I was a teenager as my dad tried multiple times to kill me. I became the family scapegoat it was a really bad situation both physically and emotionally. When my dad died I was his caretaker when I was adult. He had remorse for his treatment of me. I don't know if he really felt that but I was all he had my brother was deployed when he died. My dad and brother were extremely close.

Now my brother treats me talks to me and behaves badly to me like my father did. I had ex boyfriends point it out that I let it just happen. I'm married now for over a decade and have kids. My brother still behaves this way. He talks to me the way my dad did and it's sickening. I am always so shocked by it that I don't stand up for myself it's me protecting from making something worse. My brother had been physically abusive to me right after my marriage. He legit doesn't talk or treat others this way.

My husband is sick of it my mom is absolutely devastated by it. I don't know how I can change this pattern. I'm almost forty and when he behaves this way it's triggering to me. Makes me physically ill. How can I calm and maturity handle this. I miss my best friend and I don't want another decade to pass where we don't speak.