When will it be my turn

Its been a really rough couple of days and I need to get this off my chest. Six years ago I was pregnant with the wrong man but i so desperately wanted that baby. I had my amazon cart filled with everything baby. Nine weeks in I found out I was suffering from an ectopic pregnancy and was thrown into surgery before I could even process what the doctor said. I lost my right tube that day and nearly died. But i didnt die I survived went through a breakup and so many more life milestones. Finally I am with a man that couldn't be more perfect for me. And I want nothing more than to have a family with him. Ive been doing what most of you women on this app do. I track my period and ovulation and pray for the day when it will be my turn. Well that finally came. Just last week after all of this time I got my positive test and we both couldn't be more excited. We started talking names and wondering what our child would be like. And then in a short time reality hit. I woke up just a few days ago went to the bathroom like every other day except there was a lot of blood followed by pain. We went to the emergency room just to find out that 5 weeks was the end. After my ectopic and because of my age (pushing 40) my doctor told me I would be high risk if I were to get pregnant again. Well I dont know if thats the reason or if Its because I did something wrong but I cant shake this feeling of blaming myself and my boyfriend hasnt said much about it. He always keeps to himself when something is bothering him and I know this about him but because of how he reacts when he is sad or upset, I almost feel as though he is angry or disappointed with me. I feel horrible psychically, mentally and emotionally and I cant get him to talk about it. I just want our baby back. I know everyone says when the time is right it will happen but when will it be my time? When will I get to be a mother? Will I ever? I just dont want to keep feeling like this. There are so many women who get pregnant so easily and they dont want it but my God do I want it bad. I just want to get pregnant have a healthy and happy baby and finally feel like my prayers were answered. Until then I will keep questioning myself and wondering If I will ever get the chance to raise my rainbow baby.