Advice Please

Hi everyone. I’m going to type a lot, please leave some advice for me. I’ve been married for 5 months now. I’ve run away twice and came back. My husband has an addiction to weed and when he doesn’t smoke he gets mood swings. In order to stop smoking he replaced it with drinking. He’s nice when he drinks but it’s still not okay. He tells me I’m not allowed to either drink or smoke. He’s great in some ways, helps a lot with cooking and cleaning and defends me if my in laws ever get annoying or bother me. HOWEVER, he has an anger issue and when he is upset he says very disgusting nasty things about my brother who is 13. He then tries to make up a day later like he never said nasty things. I always give in, however in the back on my mind there is hate growing and I never let my guard down as I know he will do it again. It feels like my days are heaven or hell and no in between There are some amazing things in this marriage, and some horrible things. What should I do?

My parents did not come to the wedding as they do not like him and it’s hard to go home. I can only go back once I fully decide I want a divorce. This is where I’m stuck and can’t make my mind up.

If I need to leave, I do have an emergency plan. I have a bag packed and I can leave to my cousins home and stay there and then I got a non emergency number from police department who I can call to make an appt to get the rest of my things from his house.

Please please help me, what should I do?