To reconcile or not to reconcile

My husband is emotionally and verbally abusive, I believe there’s a possibility that he’s a narcissist and not because it’s the new trendy word that everyone uses. He’s genuinely admitted to not being able to have empathy for others and there are other things he’s done that I didn’t know were abusive until doing a little research.

Earlier tonight he told me he wanted to reconcile our marriage, we’re divorcing because he’s verbally and emotionally abusive. I offered marriage counseling 2 weeks ago and he said he wasn’t willing to do what it takes to save the marriage. When I asked him why is he willing to reconcile the marriage he told me because he thinks I like him (like him as in find him attractive).

I asked him if he wanted to be with me and he told me “no, not like this. You have potential to be better and I can love you if you’re better”. I asked him if he liked me because I was in total disbelief of the conversation we were having and he told me that he don’t like anyone who doesn’t like him.

He also told me that I’m a broken person and it doesn’t matter if he’s the one who caused the damage, I needed to do the work and look within myself to heal. I was standing there looking utterly confused because I really was baffled at how he thought that made any sense so I listened to him speak more and he told me that it’s easier to stay with me because I’m a good wife, I cook, clean, raise our kids and show unconditional love but the problem is that I’m broken (emotionally).

I declined his offer to reconcile and he left but then I was confused about how the issue isn’t him abusing me but the issue is me being broken from the abuse. He told me that he doesn’t mean to abuse me, like I don’t mean to be rude to him. His idea of me being rude is holding him accountable for his abusive ways when he doesn’t feel like being held accountable.

About an hour later, a situation happened and I didn’t handle it the way he wanted me to. I tried talking to him about something unrelated but he refused to answer me and that’s when I realized I’d done something wrong because he was stonewalling me and our children. The scariest part of all of this is, I was wondering if I’m being selfish by not being open to reconciliation and he reminded me that I’m making the right decision.