We have a three year old and she sometimes doesn’t listen, cries and whines. This really irritates my husband, I have a little more tolerance for it and try to be patient when correcting her. We’re trying to teach her to do things the first time we ask or not whine when she wants something and we tell her no.

My husband gets angry when she “back talks” or rather try’s to demand things. Then he scolds her and she cries more and then it escalates to him taking her to the bed room to have a talking to which includes phrases like “why do you want to start the day like this!?” Or “why do you want to do this/be angry/make me angry instead of going outside!?”

I think it isn’t helpful and I try to tell him to rephrase his words so she doesn’t get confused. She’s a very smart girl but even smart kids can begin to believe that what you tell them is so. I don’t want her to start thinking that she DOES want to start the day in an upset or that she DOES want to argue instead of go outside. (He phrases questions to me like this too and I dislike it becasue it even makes me start to think maybe I do want to ___ instead of ___). So what do you think and how can I make him understand that the way he says things like this isn’t helpful? What do you say to your toddler or 3 year old?