So back in April I miscarried twins at about 6 weeks. It was incredibly sad and awful. After a few months, I decided that I wanted to go on birth control. I’m 40 and I have a 10 year old. My pregnancy in April wasn’t planned and even though it was a complete shock it was devastating when just as soon as we accepted everything, it was gone. And it was very traumatic, not having answers and so much uncertainty and waiting. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, and yet here I am today in seemingly the exact same situation, and it’s hell. Anyway, fast forward to the end of October, I finally decided I didn’t want to ever go through that loss again and to get on birth control. I was all ready to start taking it on the day my period was due, but my period never came. I waited a couple days and dreadfully decided to test. I got a positive test on Nov 2. Since then I’ve been terrified. I booked a scan for next week when I’ll be about 7 weeks. I didn’t want to scan too early cause I did that last time and long story short since you can’t see much early anyway it really didn’t help. To make matters worse, we had sex yesterday and shortly after I started to lightly bleed for a few hours. Nothing that got in my panties at all, just when I wiped, but I’m completely freaking out and I know there’s really nothing I can do but wait til my scan. I’m just writing this cause I just want to get it off my chest I guess. I’m so depressed about this. On one hand I’m trying to convince myself that I in fact miscarried so I guess I won’t be as devastated when I get my ultrasound in a few days, but I know I still will be no matter what. Part of me doesn’t want to know, but I also just want whatever is going to happen to happen so I can move on. I still have symptoms and when I did miscarry last time there were differences, for instance, I began to spot brown then stopped and then a day or so later felt a gush of fluid and began bleeding more heavily. But I also still had symptoms for a couple weeks after, so that isn’t reassuring. But I also hate looking for possibly false hope, like I kind of am, lol. What a mess. Sorry for the rambling rant. Thanks for listening.