I’m in therapy and couples therapy weekly, I’m waiting for new medication because the one I tried made me throw up every day. I go outside, eat healthy, drink water, no alcohol, see my friend weekly, go to mommy and me or the playground with my older son weekly. But I hate my life and I wish I wasn’t alive. I’m not going to kill myself because I have 2 kids and I’m breastfeeding my baby. I literally just eat and drink to stay alive. I can only tolerate being awake by going hour by hour. I try to take breaks in my bedroom but my husband makes fun of me for needing space.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to go to the hospital because being away from my kids will make this worse. I need something fast acting to just help me make it to the next hour more functional than laying in my bed. I know it’ll get better when I can get on steady medication but for the next few weeks it feels impossible.