I think I need help

I had a medical termination in October. I only confided in 3 people before I made my decision and not one had a positive outlook to give me. For background I have 3 children the youngest being barely 1 and with the way things are lately, money/life is concerning, precautions were taken to avoid pregnancy. I was still on the fence when I went for the scan to determine what my options were, although I knew I was going to keep the baby. There was no viable heartbeat and bean was 2 weeks smaller than it should be. They couldn’t tell me outright that it was no longer a viable pregnancy but it was definitely implied and encouraged to continue with a medical termination to kick start the miscarriage. Against my better judgment I took them at their medical opinion and proceeded with treatment. Since that exact moment all I have felt is regret and remorse. From the second i wake up to the second i fall asleep it’s all I can think about. Since this my partner (who shared no opinion during the decision making) has told me he wanted me to keep it. I feel incredibly resentful towards the 3 people I confided because although I know they didn’t want to out rightly sway me I feel their negativity was plainly obvious and gave my concerns more weight. I feel all I needed to hear was you can do this. I find myself praying for pregnancy and I cannot stop taking tests EVERYDAY. I feel lost and I long for my baby. I don’t feel I will ever forgive myself.