Terrified! (Long story)

So I just found out a couple of days ago that I am pregnant with baby # 4. So far my kids have all been born years apart. My oldest is 14, second is 5, and I gave birth January 2024 so my youngest is not yet 1. I am freaking out because I have never had my kids back to back and I also had complications with my last pregnancy. All except this last pregnancy have been vaginal births. I knew that having a cesarean was no joke but actually experiencing it was a whole nother level and a pain so terrible. I would not wish a cesarean on my worst enemy!!!! Not even a week after having my baby my wound was infected, I was given antibiotics at my pp appointment but things only got worse. I am plus sized so I have an apron belly, when my stomach was lifted you could hear air coming from the wound and there was a fowl smelling liquid just pouring out. When I did make it into the er I was starting to go into sepsis, I had a fever and my heart was racing. From scans of my stomach the hospital decided to admit me to have debridement surgery to remove dead tissue and muscle a total of 3 surgeries all together. I was in the hospital for two weeks and had the greatest pleasure of having a wound vac and I also had to have home health care until cleared. All this time I could only visit my baby and not be with her like a mother should even though these circumstances were not foreseen I still feel a type a way that I could not be with my kids. I was hoping this time around I could try for a vbac but doing my research I may not be a good candidate for it. I am always on birth control after giving birth but this time around the mirena iud just did not agree with my body. So I never intended on getting pregnant again this fast but it is what it is. I am happy to an extent but more scared then anything to have to get cut open again and possibly get another infection. This will be my second child with my partner and so far we have only had girls between us so we are hoping that this baby will be a boy!!! I would just like to not be freaking out so bad but I am genuinely terrified. If anyone has had anything similar happen to them or you have any words of advice or encouragement please comment below 👇