Me and my wife have been together for 9 years and have 2 kids together. We met when I was in NA and she was the counselor who ran the support group. Since she was over the support group and we talked about our past she already knew all the past mistakes I made when I was on drugs. I used a lot of narcs but was also addicted to fentanyl. When she gets mad she brings these things up which makes no sense because this all happened before we were together. One thing she's thrown in my face and some past choices I made that I'm not proud of. Drugs, especially fentanyl ruined my life and made me do things I never would have if I was sober. My wife was a virgin when we got married. I had lost my virginity at a young age but I don't remember much of it because my addiction started at 12 or 13. That's one thing she would do is when we fight say how she saved herself for me but I didn't for her. I don't know why because it's irrelevant.

We went to see her parents for Christmas and we had a fight because I wanted to also stop by my brother's house. My wife doesn't like my brother. They've never gotten along because they aren't each otheyrs cup of tea but he's my brother. So she's mad at me and when we are eating dinner she starts telling her family about some of the things I used to do when I was addicted to drugs. Many are things I told her in private and am embarrassed about. But I had to deal with her family ridiculing me over the things she told them. like I said fentanyl changed me and I would do anything to get drugs that were embarrassing and degrading to myself and she was sharing those very private things with her family.

She's since apologized and said she shouldn't have done that but I do not trust her anymore and it makes me sad. I thought I fell in love with someone who would understand my past but instead it's used against me. I don't think I love her anymore and I've fallen out of love the more this happens with her.

I was miserable most of my childhood and early 20s. I do not want to spend all my adulthood miserable and I'm unhappy.