I been with this guy for 10 years, met him when I was 18,he was 47. He took me in and helped me get clean, he helped me get my GED, helped me get SSI, he is a great guy, helps with everything, cooks cleans, and hustle, he always finds a way when we are struggling. He has helped me in a lot of ways because I have no family. We decided for me to try to get a job, worked at a warehouse job, he got insecure ( he says he knows what goes on a a warehouse job) I found out everybody was messing with everyone but I swear to God I never thought about cheating, when I love someone I love them. I never flirted or nothing with anyone, did I talk to people of course I had to. He swear that my behavior changed when I started working, it might have bc I was tired of the accusations. Me eating and he thinking I'm sucking somebody dick ( worked day and night shift). My patience ran out and when he would get mad at me and say shit about me I would say fuck you or something and that's when it started getting physical. I can't get mad about the hands he put on me because I was being disrespectful to him, but he punched me when I was trying to sleep, he thought I was trying to run him over when I was backing up the car, but he jumped out before I was in park and came over opened my door and I stepped out and he punched me. Another time he put my throat in a head lock, he put is arm around my throat, that day I thought that I was going to die. I don't remember what I did. A few times he pushed me and little shit, it only happened a few times. He hasn't touched me in a couple months. We had a miscarriage and I told him if you throw this in my face I won't be able to handle it and he did. He said my coochie was fucked up and used up and I can't have kids anymore and that's why I only have 1 ( yes it's is, she is 8 ) he has like 3 or 4. He has thrown every single secret I ever told him into my face I don't trust him. The only thing I ever said hurtful was that he was a broke ass mf, in front of a guy, not saying it was okay bc it wasn't but I did apologize 5 minutes after, but I only said it bc he is one of the guys that will do shit to make you mad and then act like you going crazy, so we was in the car with another guy and our daughter and his daughter on a long road trip and when we stopped I never really got out I staid with the kids in the car but the guy also stayed in the car but I swear to God I barely said anything to him, he my husband thought I wanted to stay in the car with the guy and so when I tried to lay on his shoulder he would push me off and then he went off and I went off and that's when I said what I said. I don't know why I wrote all this maybe because I don't have anyone to talk to but my therapist but he thinks she is making me worse, I have BPD, anxiety and depression. But anyway I told my husband I can't do this anymore I'm mentally tired and I don't think he believes me but I tried to talk to my 8 year daughter but she gets very upset and doesn't want us separated. She wants us to together but idk what to do. I stayed as long as I could I don't think my mental state can take it anymore, I just want to die but I can't leave my daughter. He has a way of making me think I'm going crazy, he will call his family and talk about me right in front of me and he has every right to talk about his feeling but I asked him not to do it in front of me. But I don't want to go on about the shit he.