I have two kids. 3.5y A and 4 month K. The only other family member who has kids is my husband‘s older brother and they live out of state so we don’t get to see them often. He and his wife have two girls, 3.5y M and 2y V. We really like to prioritize family so initially, I was really excited to have all the kids play together. they were in town all week staying at FIL’s house.

Over this week I have faced a few issues and notes.

1. The parents are permissive. If their girls scream, they get everything and anything they want. They set their own bedtimes, which turns out to be anywhere between 10p - 2am. The parents are unable to tell them what to do.

2. M is horribly mean. I’ve had to separate A numerous times to distract him and play with me instead because she will snatch, push, and stomp on his feet. I have tried gentle corrections but it resulted in screaming and hitting. Upon asking for her mother for help, all I got was an anxious laugh and a “We’re still learning how to play” with no disciplinary or corrective action. I said nothing about this and did my best Daniel Tiger impression to be kind-hearted and not assume.

3. Tonight is the last night they’re in town. We have the kids stockings because we missed them over the actual holidays. A got this swirly lollipop and asked me if he can have some. Unfortunately, it was close to dinner/bedtime so I said we can save it tomorrow. I put the lollipop in my K’s diaper bag as I got both of them ready to go. My husband is helping me get A’s jacket and boots on while I get K in the car seat and wrapped up.

During this chaos, M’s little sister V snatched the lollipop out of the bag and runs off. A sees this and asks her to give it back. M and V’s mom interrupts, saying “oh, oh don’t take it from her she will cry!” And A looks at me for help. I ask for it back, but their mom says “I’ll send it back home with your husband.” He drove separately as he wants to spend more time with his brother before we are separated for a few months again.

In my exhaustion of the week and wanting to go home to get dinner ready, I stupidly agreed. A asked for it a couple times in the car, cried a bit, but managed to regulate himself with the promise he can eat it tomorrow.

I get home and get this text:

Then later he calls me saying he spoke to their dad as he feels more comfortable confronting his brother and not his wife.

My husband’s solution is to have M give A a lollipop from Walmart or something as a “peace offering”. His brother disagreed, saying that she will never give up a piece of candy. He instead said he will just Amazon prime us the lollipop she took. I tried to make it a point that it’s not just about the candy, but the fact that she took it and his wife gave it to her after she fussed because she wanted to eat it knowing that it wasn’t hers and promising me to return it.

I don’t have the parenting skills to know what to do with this. I want to have positive interactions with their kids as their mom wants us to have playdates in town, but I also have to be a voice for my 3.5y and help him set healthy boundaries so he can have fun playing, too. But it’s hard when even their parents don’t seem to want to take accountability.

Any advice or words of wisdom is appreciated. I did my best with what knowledge I have.

Edit: the dad just offered to give him the half-eaten lollipop. No thanks please keep it 💀