Love my bf, but want to breakup to love me now

Every time i try to break up with him he threatens to kill himself, or stalks me until i come back, i love him very much we been thru so much and i know that he loves me but its some things he put me thru in the past that was unacceptable, and im just trying to love myself more by letting go of anyone that played with me and disturbed my peace , i feel like he realized too late that he loved me, wen i try to leave he fight so hard for this relationship..i tried to leave him 2 weeks ago, he sent out a text to me and all of his family stating that he was about to kill himself. Then he disappeared for hours ! It was so scary, me and all of his family was extremely worried... i felt so guilty .. i love him and he want me to forget about the past and things he put me thru... but its so hard... he even proposed to me in Christmas eve.....