random thought

so in previous relationships i’ve developed super bad insecurities over my SO watching porn and comparing it to me. i’m literally 18 years old and nowhere near a pro. i mean i thought i was comfortable in my body until they ( yes multiple relationships) would compare me to porn and how i didn’t do as good or how they wished i looked different. ik this makes me look like i’ve slept with a lot of ppl i promise i haven’t. my first boyfriend did that a lot and that’s what ended our relationship. we never went farther than making out lol! my second real relationship was over a year and a half and we didn’t start having sex until 4 months in. when i wasn’t with him ofc i didn’t care if he watched porn or whatever. but it go so bad where i couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror without breaking down because of how bad he tore me down about how i looked and how bad i was in bed. that relationship is long over thank god. this is where i need help-

my current boyfriend is the sweetest person ever. i feel like i shouldn’t have a problem with him watching porn and everything but it just makes me so insecure. i’ve talked to him abt it and we’ve come to a conclusion where if he wants to jerk off i will just send him photos. recently, ill ask him what he’s doing and if he’s jerking off, ill ask why he didn’t ask for pics and it’s always an excuse. wtv as long as he’s not watching porn idrc. but that thought that he may be or he may be thinking about it or past partners when he’s doing it’s just really upsets me.

please i just need advice i don’t want him to think im crazy if i talk to him abt it