Autism spectrum disorder , ADHD and speech delay

Just found out my 2nd boy is suspected to have autism spectrum disorder at 2.5 years. I have to go for a more intense screening later on as he grows in order to get a final diagnosis and maybe start therapy.

But am struggling. Am currently 6 months pregnant and this boy allows me 3-5 hours of sleep each day. He doesn’t eat cooked food. Screams the hell out of himself when he doesn’t get things his way.

It’s been tough since he turned 9 months. He cried more than my first as a baby but it just keeps getting worse as he grows. The day care almost kicked him out but together with a social worker decided they would allow him to stay if I get a a special caretaker to be with him in kindergarten. So been doing that and this person who knows how to be with kids with autism starts in April.

She will help give me some tips too a month into working with him after studying him a bit more. But I feel like I need help now. The kindergarten (it’s integrated with the daycare) keeps asking me what he likes, what comforts him, to take food for him. But I don’t know. One day he likes a mean and the next he could kill me for just offering it. He won’t eat or drink in daycare. They are constantly telling me to keep his sleep routine but I take him to bed and he wakes up multiple times, starts playing in the dark, and worse when he gets a cold, which we have been having on and off since December and I have hardly slept.

I don’t know how to help my son and am soo tired. Please any tips are welcome.

My social worker says we shall put him on the waiting list to get diagnosis because it is too long and it takes about 2 years to even get seen by a specialist. Which in my case isn’t so bad because apparently they prefer diagnosing kids between 6&8, and in rare cases a bit earlier but not at age 2. I feel like I have to wait for soo long to get help and answers yet am ebbing away. In 3 months I will have a new born and my toddler still needs me like a baby and I just don’t know where to find the strength.

Everyone in my support system wants to help but he just won’t even let anyone near him. It’s been a day in and my mom says this first diagnosis is because I play white noise all night on my phone for him. But my first shares a room with him and the only way I can afford him to get some good night rest is if I have white noise running because my second screams so much. I feel like am being blamed already yet it has only been 1 day since I found out about the autism. I just don’t want to tell anyone about it because already I can’t go to social settings as I get comments about how am not parenting him well and how I allow him to scream to get his way. The mother is truly always to blame for everything