How long will I hurt? Trigger warning

I had a miscarriage in October... My bf and I agreed to try for another... every month when my period comes I feel like I failed. I failed my bf, I failed my kid whos been asking for a sibling, and I failed myself for not getting my rainbow baby. I usually just get in a funk for a few days, but havent cried since getting a necklace with what would have been the babys birthstone. But tonight when I tested my LH levels and realized I completely missed the window to try to conceive (due to busy schedules on both our sides) I started crying and then it hit me that if I hadnt lost the baby Id be 6 months pregnant right now. Id know the sex of the baby, Id have had or be preparing a baby shower, everyone in my life would know and be planning to spoil him/her just like they do my 6yr old, and I lost the baby at 6 weeks... I seem to have hit the horrid 666... (that just dawned on me typing all the dates). I want to tell my bf Im spiraling right now, but also dont want to make him relive the pain of the loss either, assuming he hasnt dwelled on it like I have. I just dont know how he felt about the loss and how he feels when I dont get pregnant each month. How long will I hurt? Will I ever get closure on this miscarriage?