How to hand being the high earner in the relationship as the woman?

I make what most would call a lot of money in my relationship compared to my bf. I wouldn’t say he makes nothing but it pales in comparison to what I make. As a result, he has come to feel that I am responsible for majority of the costs our relationship brings. I get that, my dad held that place in my family and bought the expensive things around the house. However I accept this because he was the man of the house and my mom made less.

I’m not trying to be sexist by saying this but if I happened to be the man making more than a woman in the relationship I wouldn’t be upset and I’d gladly pay for most of the things bc that is my role. And maybe in this day and age women can also play that role.

However for me personally in a relationship I’d like for it to be equal. Where we both take turns paying for things and I want to be taken care of. Not doing the caring of the man. Idk maybe my idea for a relationship didn’t align with the current person I’m with and I failed to take that into account. Now we live together and have kids together. So I feel stuck, like if I leave I’d get judged as a single mom of two or I’ll stay and be miserable with someone making the bare minimum just to appear to be in a “happy” relationship with kids whose parents are together.

And it’s hard for me to accept that yes since I make more in the relationship that’s what’s probably going to be used for the funds. I just don’t feel happy most of the time, knowing that I have to always dig my heels in about paying for groceries or the dogs and bills bc he’d basically let me pay for all of it without offering to help. Like yes perhaps I can pay it all myself but then what is the relationship for? What does he bring to the table? Then when he has to pay he wants to split the cost 50/50 and he doesn’t offer the same when I pay for groceries.

What makes this all 10x is he allows his bum asf friend to stay with us. Like maybe I can find some peace with his lack of initiative in paying the bills or hope he’ll help out but him having that guy around upsets me. He’s allowing his friend to free load in the place I pay majority of the bills and the dude doesn’t work. Like at most my bf sneaks him with him to work without his boss knowing and that’s his “work.”

They have the weirdest relationship ever it’s odd asf like some codependent shit and no offense almost DL type stuff. But maybe not DL because my bf mostly just makes him do house work or cook food around the house. So I don’t imagine you’d make your DL person do that. My bf basically uses him to do what he doesn’t want to do around the house like cook, clean, put away groceries, and, clothes.

Idk I just feel like I have trouble separating my emotional feelings from a person and thinking logically. Like leaving someone because they are a drain on my finances, and do not provide any additional support at all.

I do have coworkers however who lean into the role I try to avoid and they never seem unhappy about it. One coworker is super nice and sweet, her husband quit his job due to his mental health and now she works overtime to pay all the bills while he stays at home. Idk if he’ll get another job? It’s been a few months like this and she still does over time. However she never really like complains negatively about her husband basically not working and her bearing the brunt of the bills.

Maybe I’m an asshole I’m just not that nice. And the other two also have husbands who stay home to watch the kids. They pay all the bills and are happy in their relationships. They accept their role as the breadwinner and essentially their husbands have masculinized them and placed them in the male role. I apologize if I sound sexist but for me I am not happy paying a man’s way in life. Everytime I get in a relationship this happens, they see I make a lot and want me to pay for everything.

The kicker is my ex who also frequently asked me for money when we were together and made me pay for everything, got into a relationship with another woman and paid for everything for her. And even made her a stay at home mom. It was crazy the difference in treatment, like I’m realizing I’d have to be broke just for a man to be willing to provide. I think they need to “save” someone to be in provide r mode? I don’t need saving so then they’re in relaxation mode and take it easy.

Idk maybe my dad was also upset at having to pay for everything mostly and I just never knew because it was normal for him to pay for things growing up. My mom used to always work minimum wage jobs so she would be broke.

I’m just venting and Ik the responses might be to leave him and go about my business. Also we aren’t married bc ig the highest paid spouse has to pay alimony to the other one and I’d probably pay child support too who knows. So it’s best not to get that involved…