Being a woman is tiring, gross and debilitating.

Before anybody gets mad about this statement — I have 3 kids all whom I’ve delivered naturally with no meds and PCOS and PMDD. I’m speaking from my own PERSONAL experience and what I’ve experienced with other women. Women who pretend their vaginas never stink or their period blood smells like petunias every cycle is just disingenuous:

Literally almost EVERYthing about womanhood is gross. Periods are gross. Childbirth is disgusting and you can literally sh*t yourself. ALL of it is disgusting. Periods smell horrible, don’t let people tell you “period blood doesn’t have a smell” umm YES it does. It has a smell ALL the time, I can literally smell when I’m on my period or when other women are. PMDD makes periods like a death sentence for me. I’m only ok 2 weeks out of the month and then the rest is spent in PMDD hell.

I’ve tried everything, changing my diet, taking certain supplements, changing Birth control methods — nothing works. I accepted 5 years ago when I was 25 that my PMDD would only get worse, and that my suffering would only get bigger. And I was right. It never changes, even when I think or try to give some hope that it’s changing and feeling better I’m not. Period poops are so disgusting, it smells, your bowels are foul, the blood. It’s just all so disgusting.

I feel so dirty all the time when I’m on my cycle, even when I shower and have wipes it just never stops it from making me feel dirty. pregnancy isn’t so disgusting but childbirth basically is, I pooped on myself twice when I gave birth to my third child and my fiancé even smelled it. It was the most humiliating disgusting situation I’ve ever experienced in my life.

The worst part is how everybody tries to gaslight women like this is some beautiful miracle and so holy and it’s a wonderful experience and it’s not — it’s ducking grueling, emotionally painful, physically draining. And I don’t have anybody to cry to. I’m literally sitting up here writing this with literal tears boo hoo sobbing, you can’t tell a doctor cuz they’ll just throw more medicine at you and you can’t tell your girlfriends or your mom cause they’re just gonna tell you to get over it. Can’t tell my man.

I suffer in silence each month because of this fucked up cycle that is my period. I accepted years ago that I would never be mentally stable as long as I had to go through these emotions every month. No one can be stable when you’re happy and calm 2 weeks and then the next 2 weeks is anger, sadness and rage filled with anxiety. I’ve tried everything anybody can think of to make my cycle better and it doesn’t fucking work.