I am a mess

Ive been married for almost 6 years. When i married my husband i married him because i thought he was the good nice guy. It turns out he has an alcohol problem and has become abusive numerous times due to it. He has done horrific things.when hes drunk Hes much better when hes not drinking. I cant stop thinking about my ex. He came to me before i.got married and.begged me to break up. I wanted to break up but i just couldn't bc i thought my now husband was so kind and sweet and I kinda felt bad doing that to him. I never knew that he was an alcoholic. I also live a sexless marriage because hes just not into it. I am such a mess, i dont know what to do. Idk how i ended up here.