Am I wrong to be upset?

Question

Things have been really bad the last year 2 years of our lives. We went from living in a really big house and living a comfortable/higher middle class life to everything crumbling. My husband was laid off from his 6 figure job. Then he started working multiple jobs to keep us a float. I got pregnant during the time he was working multiple jobs and he got into a car accident because he was so tired. He broke his spine and the doctor thought he was not going to be able to walk again. With physical therapy he can walk some but he's permanently disabled. So I went from sahm to working mom and only breadwinner with 4 kids. My husband has been wanting to apply for disability but I don't want him to because to me that's a failure. That would be us officially being poor and I don't want our kids worried about finances. We downsized significantly to a 3 bedroom. The girls share a room. My son has his own room. Baby is with me and my husband but will have to bunk up with the girls when she's older. 
Baby is on formula and my husband suggested we got to emergency infant services because we were running out of formula and diapers for the baby and toddler. I said no. I get paid Friday. I can make it stretch until then. There are people I know that go to emergency infant services. My son has friends that do and I don't want to risk being seen by anyone and people knowing how bad our situation is. 
Well my husband decided to go against what I said and go anyway. His mom picked him and the kids up and took them. My husband didn't just get formula and diapers/pull ups. He got a bunch of hand me down clothes. I was pissed. I cussed his mom out. I cussed him out. Our kids deserve better than this. Then I fucked up and said something I didn't mean and made him cry. I said "I married a man! A provider! Not whatever pathetic thing you've become now!" I was wrong for that. I don't need to be told. I apologized to him already. That I was 100% in the wrong for. 
I don't need to be told I was wrong for what I said to my husband because I know the answer. I want to know if I'm wrong for being upset that he went against what I said. I was making what we had work. I could stretch it. I've done it before. And he ignored my feelings and did it anyway

Answer

So you want your kids to suffer instead of asking for help, time to step off the saddle lady. You’re in trouble and stretching diapers and formula for your kids is not providing them what they need.

Answer

Your kids do deserve better. They deserve a mom that doesn’t have so much pride, she’s unwilling to do what needs to be done to get them the items they need. Children’s emergency services are for people that need it. If you’re so low on supplies that you are “stretching” things, then you qualify as in need. Your husband applying for disability isn’t a failure, it’s him admitting that he is - indeed - disabled. Which he is. It’s admitting the obvious. You suck, to be honest. Not only for what you said to your husband, but because you won’t do what needs to be done. You “know people that use these services and don’t want them to recognize you.” Why? Because you judge them and don’t want them judging you the same way you judge? Yeah, time to take a look in the mirror.

Answer

Woah… So let me get this straight. It was ok for your husband to bust his a** so you could stay home and watch the kids while he was the only one working and barely staying a float, which in turn he got in a car wreck from being so tired and became disabled for the rest of his life!! But he’s not allowed to apply for disability even though he’s disabled!! He’s not allowed to go and get diapers and formula or clothes for your children when y’all clearly need help?! You’re the problem here. Not him! How dare you!! Maybe YOU need to go and work more jobs! Seems to me like you aren’t able to provide for your family. 
I hope he leaves you.

Answer

Weve had our financial ups and downs too, from a big 5 bedroom house with a pool and private schools and being a SAHM to selling the house, going on medicaid, and me being the sole provider. Youre letting these things define you too much so your pride and ego are talking here. Him getting assistance and clothing, whether it's new or not, is him providing. The money he saves you from getting that helps means money can be used elsewhere or saved. Hes trying to be your partner to the best of his ability. Let him help you and feel good about that.

Answer

Yes , you were extremely prideful and wrong from beginning to end . Your husband is trying to do what he can under the circumstances and you’re doing nothing but making it harder and hurting his feelings along the way . Do better

Answer

Girl your high horse has fallen just accept it. Let go of your oride and just accept the help that’s out there. Let your husband be on disability you’re being selfish

Answer

Those services are for people that need them! Let go of your pride, and accept help. Everyone needs help in life at some point. Stretching diapers and formula is not the way to go.
If you don’t want or need the clothes, return them.
Adjust your attitude, please. The situation you are in sucks, but your attitude about it will make or break you (it will also scare the kids).
Life throws us a lot of curve balls - it is so hard, I truly get that - but at a certain point, we all need help. 
Accept help - appreciate the help, and then when you are out of this rough spot in life… be gracious enough to give help in return. 
Also, having a spinal injury, that turns into a disability… is not a failure. Your husband is putting aside his pride (men typically get very upset about being unable to work) to take care of the kids. You need to do the same. 
I wrote these things with kindness (I know it’s hard to tell tone over a comment), but please… let go of the idea that you have to suffer all the way through this. There are services that help, and there are ways to ease some of the pressure off of yourself (starting with allowing your husband to apply for and collect disability assistance).

Answer

Yes, you are wrong for being upset. Being a provider also means getting whatever is needed for your family BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY. So if that means going to a food pantry, getting free clothes, etc. Those are places people go when they want to help provide for their family. Maybe you could have stretched it, but now you don’t have to. I believe everything happens for a reason and there are learning lessons in all things. Be humble, it’s okay to go to these places and be seen. No one truly cares. And anyone who does care doesn’t love you. In this day and age times are hard. One accident, loss of job, etc is all it takes to change the majority of people’s lives. Your husband is a provider still. Don’t make an already stressful situation worse over something so trivial. Said with love ❤️

Answer

Your kids deserve to get what they need by any means necessary. There’s nothing wrong with accepting help and there’s nothing wrong with used clothes. Used clothes are better for the environment anyway. You need to let go of your pride and your ego and do what needs to be done for your kids. With the money you save you could put it towards things like bills and savings

Answer

I’m sure your husband isn’t exactly happy about being permanently disabled and not being able to help provide either. I’m sure he feels terrible about something that isn’t his fault and that’s completely out of his control. At least if he gets disability he will be able to help some financially, doesn’t matter where it comes from. Money is money.

Am I wrong to be upset?

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