The time

The time is here where im either going to be happy or very disappointed and ill probably be disappointed in a day or so. Im so tired of not being pregnant i dont want to be not pregnant no more. How come its taking so long? I really hope i dont get my period. I hate it and the feeling of hopelessness that comes. Ive been TTC for a year i was able to get pregnant so easy on the first month trying when i was in my 20s and im so sick of doctors not giving me a prescription to help me or not sceduling procedures to help me . If i didnt need medicine or laparoscopic surgery i would already have given birth. I am 35. There is no positive rewards for me to not have a baby. I own a lot of sweats and leggings it doesnt fit someone who is chronically" not pregnant" i already experienced all the shit people without kids do and its old i want nothing to do with that life. I have a career. I am a homemaker and thats all i wanted to be in life. I enjoy cooking cleaning and doing laundry. I want a baby.Im going to the doctor again on the 18th to ask again for a prescription of progesterone. I havent gotten pregnant since last time he told me no. Obviously i need it and this time i am not leaving the office this time without a prescription i cannot find it in stores. I have been through hell in my life. I deserve a chance to be a mother and im not going to take no for an answer. Ill probably get my period and be disappointed again while everyone else announces pregnancy. Im so sick of being "not pregnant" to be told im "not pregnant" why me? Im so tired of this and i know a teenage girl who is pregnant and not ready. I wish i could have that pregnancy and give her my "not pregnant" . Why does shit work out this way and what should i say to this doctor to assure i get a prescription of something to conceive fast? I have state insurance so they look for medical necessity. As a woman my purpose is to make a baby so it is medically necessary . Im not letting them play me because im on disability and get welfare insurance. I cant do this no more. Every month i get my period and its worse every month. Im going insane and i want to be a good friend but im not as happy for my pregnant friends as i should be. The pregnant bus needs to get me before i totally flip out. This is ridiculous