Maybe I'm not ready?
My husband and I stopped preventing pregnancy almost 1 year ago. As the months passed with no BFP, the more worried I became. I'm 25 years old. It should be easy. I've been off BC for almost 5 years now, why is this happening? I started to research, downloaded apps, checked my CM and cervical positioning. I stopped trying for a few months, cursed God, cried. And then finally I caved and bought an ovulation testing kit. They've all been negative so far and I'm on CD 16--my periods are 25 days long and I started testing 3 days after it completed. My point is this....
I think today is the day. Everything seems to be aligned just right, but I feel an overwhelming since of doubt (I haven't tested yet). Something I've wanted for so long is right there in my grasp, yet I'm holding myself back. What if I'm not meant to be a mom? What if I'm terrible? There are still things I want to do. I want to build a house and go to Europe. But I also want to be able to take my child trick or treating, to Disney world, read them a bedtime story, etc.
Have any of you felt this? Is it terrible that a part of me wants to wait until I get more things accomplished? But I feel if we wait too long we'll never have kids. I don't know what to do anymore.
Side note: I'm ALWAYS wishy-washy. I almost didn't go on a date with my husband, almost didn't make it down the aisle...yeah, lol. I have doubts and I'm a worry wart, but those have also turned out to be the best decisions I have ever made.
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