This is my very first blog post on honestynotmodesty.com

It has been a year! A whole year! How do I celebrate, you ask? Why, going on vacation of course! We have officially stopped trying this month. No more medicine, no more BBT (Basal Body Tempature) thermometers, no more butts in the air for 15 minutes after sex (because you know how hot that had to be), and you bet your ass I have given up on the whole no drinking rule. Wine is good. Wine is very good, especially while being let down every month. I will admit, it still hurts me right in the feels when our son, AJ asks for a baby sister. I mean, how do you say, “sorry dude, if you knew all the naughty things your mommy and daddy have done to try to give you a sibling, you would never say those words again.” without sounding like a horrible mother? Oh yeah it goes a little something like, “are you sure that you are ready to share your toys yet?” But, I am thankful to be able to take a breather and enjoy life at least until I decide to go to the next stage in fertility treatments that is most definitely not covered by insurance.

All joking aside this whole ordeal is hard! This is not what I was expecting when my husband, TJ, (WARNING: you are going to get my husband and son mixed up a lot throughout this whole blog) and I decided it was time to try for a baby. I got my Mirena removed in January of 2015 and expected to be telling our son that we were giving him a sibling by his 5th birthday in March. Our hopes were soon crushed when I was diagnosed with PCOS, Endometriosis, and a bunch of other conditions involving my baby making tools. Who would have known that my body would have changed so much since having my first a bit over 4 years prior. No matter what the doctor has said I have dedicated my time, money, and free time to making this happen.

Throughout this year I have had a fantastic support system with a select few friends and family members. A lot of people have no idea what to say when they are talking about infertility. Seriously if I hear “god has a plan” just one more time I will emotionally combust and will go and cry in a corner for atleast 3 weeks, if you do not want to be responsible for that DO NOT say those words to me. I know you mean well and trust me it is not your fault but I much prefer “because life sucks”, “because your body hates you”, or something witty and funny. I have also had people tell me that it was good that I am suffering through secondary infertility…beacause “you guys are not ready for more kids yet.” If I ever hear that again, don’t worry I will not go cry in a corner, but you may suffer a mild concussion. I promise I will make a post about what NOT to say to someone who is suffering though infertility/secondary infertility but that post will be for another day. Back to my support system! I love them! They include my husband, my mother, and my friends (Brandy, Mish, Emily, Jarrell, and Cody…I am talking about you fantastic people :D). When I tell those people I got my period/I’m not pregnant this month, they are the first to offer chocolate, alcohol, delicious food, and/or a shoulder to cry on, for that I thank you.

In all seriousness this journey has been a bumpy horrible road. There are days that I cant stop crying because a friend/family member is pregnant. I buy more baby clothes for a baby that may not be happening than I do for myself, and I spend more time on the computer looking up new things to try than the average 16 year old spends on Facebook, posting selfies. It is hard, but this journey has made me appreciate the little things in life, like my beautiful baby (not so baby) boy and my amazing husband who suffers through the horrible mood swings and all the other wonderful things that come along with being married to the wonderful me.

I am super excited to share our journey with all of you readers! If you are interested in reading more be sure to subscribe and follow us on Facebook! I will attempt to be on twitter, pinterest, and others as well 😀

Thanks for reading