I don't want to spank my kids but what do I do?

Question

I don't agree with spankings but I really don't know how else to punish my kids.. I'm pregnant with my first right now so I know it will be awhile till it's a problem but I'm just curious what else is there to do? Does anyone have any examples of what your child might do and what you do to stop their bad behaviors? I just don't want to be the mom beating their kid over a pack of skittles at target while someone calls cps on meeee!

Answer

Invest as much time as possible teaching right from wrong BEFORE any bad behavior and you won't even need to spank. There are ways to get through to them without physical harm.

Answer

I swear this works. 
When the child is bad, place them in a time out chair. If the child is 5, they get 5 minutes in timeout. (6yrs=6minutes...) 
Tell them why they are going to timeout. Tell them how many minutes they are getting. Tell them that they are to not talk or get out of the chair during timeout. Each time they talk or get out of the chair, add a minute. When they get out of the chair simply tell them "you are not allowed to get out yet" and add a minute. When the minutes are over, explain to them what they did wrong and why they can't do that. 
My brother had ADHD and this worked wonders.

Answer

It is hard when they are obstinant but kids usually act out when they are hungry, wet, tired, want love or attention. If these things happen all at once then watch out!

We do not spank. We do time out, naughty/nice check list, loss of privileges, or give away a toy.

Just stay calm because when you lose it they escalate. I find that reinforcing manners constantly and teaching her the right things to say to express her emotions helps a ton.

Kids resort to yelling and physical violence when they do not know the proper words to express their emotions. We play with faces in the mirror and look at pictures. I always ask her how she is feeling throughout the day (hungry, happy, sad, nervous, scared, lonely etc).

Keeping your kid engaged with the wonder of the world will make it easier to deal with them in public. Keep them talking by asking questions and pointing out new things and they will not have time to throw a fit. If they do then leave the store immediately or walk away they straighten up quickly.

Children do not understand spanking all they know is that someone they love is hurting them which should never happen if someone truly loves you. Don't give your child a bad example of what love is. Cherish them, help them and teach them. Life is hard enough and they are just learning the ropes.

Answer

I'm not saying you should spank, but I did want to say there's a huge difference between spanking and beating.

Answer

I personally have tried a lot of things with my toddler (first child). Spanking is a last resort. However, it is the only thing he really responds to. I choose to spank now so I will not have to later (hopefully). He is getting better. Now I just have to count to 3 and he is starting to understand what it means. We tried time-outs, but he did not understand and we had to stand there with him to get him to stay in the corner. Not effective. It became a game. He does not speak well enough to reason with him or ground him. Depending on what he is doing wrong, I can "put his toy in time-out", which means I make him hand it to me and watch as I put it on the top shelf somewhere he cannot reach it and tell him it is in time out because of..(whatever he was doing wrong with it- throwing it at me, hitting me with it, trying to break something, etc).

If he throws food on the ground, then his meal is over and he has to wait until next snack or meal time to eat. That cut down on that game pretty quickly.

If he refuses to take a nap or go to bed for the night, he has 3 chances. I tell him to lay down and re-tuck him in. The third time he gets a spanking, though. Again, we tried other methods, but this is the only thing that has worked. He is testing boundaries, so we have to teach him that we will enforce those. He is starting to get it.

But, I am in your boat. What are some alternatives to spanking, especially when it comes to toddlers that cannot fully speak with you yet.

Answer

Honestly spanking doesn't work I've done the time outs with if he's 6 you sit for 6 mins and the minutes added if your loud or move.. I've taken her tablet her TV and toys.
I've raised my voice a bit I've done grounding..
I've done a lot and my daughter is still the same I get her tested for adhd I do not think this is the problem but will discuss it with her Dr. And figure out what to do..
Spanking for me as a kid did nothing but put fear into me and make me scared of her honestly.
To each there own some kids I swear need a spanking so lol yeah each child is special and different in there own ways.

Answer

Read a book called 123 dicipline for ages 2-12. Worked wonderfully for my son.

Answer

Realize that all behaviors have a function. A lot of times, kids act out because they feel disconnected from you. You have to assure them that you love and value them no matter what, and then they will want to behave. Talk to them, find out what is bothering them. Spanking breaks the connection. This doesn't mean giving them what they want all the time, it means valudating their feelings when boundaries are set, "I know that you really want (insert thing) right now, but you can't have it. I get that you're upset..."

There is a good book called How to Listen so kids will talk and talk so kids will listen.  It was an easy read and helped me with my teaching before it helped me with my parenting.

Answer

We have a chair that our 2 year old sits in whenever he's being bad. We make him sit in it until he calms down. So far it is working for us. We always try to explain why something isn't right. He doesn't always understand but he understands the tone of our voice.

Answer

What do you mean by "bad behaviors"?

I don't want to spank my kids but what do I do?

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