Bashing myself

I can't help but think this infertility is something I deserve. Like maybe I wasn't a good enough wife to my husband or mom to my kids? Maybe I'm being punished. All I want to do is cry. It's not that we are a hopeless cause and we haven't done our first IUI yet, that will happen next month. I just can't believe it had to come to this in the first place, and I'm skeptical from reading online that a lot of the statistics is like a 20% chance with IUI. We can't afford IVF so this is literally our only hope. I'm just bummed and in a funk and really didn't expect those test results to come back like they did. I sit here and think.......well maybe I'm not meant to have a third? Maybe I should just be happy with the two miracles I have? But that's not fair either, because so many couples can have as many as they want and don't have to sit here and overthink things like this. Okay my rant/ pity party is over. If you read this to the end thanks and congrats.