Some one asked me how i was...

Some one asked me how I was today...I said 'I'm fine'
What I really wanted to say was- on the outside I'm doing brilliant-I honestly think people that know think I'm over it.Inside...I'm dying. My pregnant friend keeps texting to see how I am or sending me nice photo of things to make me laugh...I reply like I should but seeing her name come up on my phone makes me feel sick. My sister in law will be posting her 3monyh scan soon....when I would be and I am dreading it. The thought of them both having babies with out me is physically hurting my heart. I'm still going through the process 7weeks after mc with poss retained tissue. Thinking ahead im worried I won't get a normal period again, im worried I won't ovulate like I did, I worry that I will mc again.I'm scared I will never have my own baby and I will have to watch theirs grow up.Outside I'm great. Inside, I'm drowning xxxx