It all started when I was 17. My high school sweetheart and first boyfriend was convinced if I got pregnant I couldn't leave for college. Young and dumb I went along for the ride. The next year I was riding off to college, uterus still unfertilized.

9 months later I met who I thought was perfect. We had an amazing sex life and he taught me many things I will and can never forget. There was no birth control in the beginning and no baby.

I left him for Spain, as well as the birth control. I was in Europe for three years, unprotected but safe.

I finally return state side and meet my current lover. Guatemalan with a huge family, including two siblings who have children under the age of 30. No birth control or condoms for the first 10 months but the distance acted as such.

1 month before he moves to my state, I realize my period isn't here. Coincidentally I had been closely tracking it with this app but not taking anything too seriously. We had had sec on one of my most fertile days and he didn't completely pull out.

Three tests later and I was pregnant. The world shifted on its axis. For years I thought I could never get pregnant due to the crazy luck I had had growing up in my teens and early twenties. My immediate thought was abort. My second feeling was amazement. How could I be holding something so precious? Something made out of so much love and care? Something so pure?

I aborted at 8 weeks. We are young. I never imagined how much it threw me to the core. I wake up everyday imagining how different my life would be if I were now 4 months pregnant. Who the life inside of me would have been. I never pictured myself as a mother but now it's my obsession.

Now I can honestly say I will never ever do that again. I am off birth control (mainly due to intense mood swings) and back to the prevention methods we used before. Intuition and rationality tell me it won't be long now. Or will it?

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