Ready to give up !!

It's been a year and no luck. I'm ready to quit trying. Every month that AF shows just tears me up. I'm almost to the point that I want to get back on birth control because that's the only thing that will prevent me driving myself crazy symptom spotting, checking cm, bbt, taking opks and then taking pregnancy tests way sooner than a pregnancy can actually be detected. I'm tired of planning events and outings around my fertile window...stressing about doing enough bd at the right time. I haven't even bought myself new clothes in months because I think we'll maybe this won't fit anymore in 9 months! 
It shouldn't be this hard!!!