I feel like a terrible person

Today I feel like a terrible person. A few weeks ago I stopped taking my birth control pills because I was terrible at talking them and it was messing with my hormones too much. I didn't plan to stop taking them so I didn't tell my boyfriend before...or after. Fast forward to now and I still claim I am just terrible at taking them. I haven't told him I stopped all together. I don't know what to do and would feel like absolute shit if I were to get pregnant this cycle. I got the new pack last week (while I was with my boyfriend) but haven't started taking it because I want to make sure I get my period. I also have an appointment with a gyno in a couple weeks to do a new patient appointment so I can get the arm implant. I'm not trying to get pregnant and he pulls out every time we have sex but I'm still scared that I really messed up. I really love my boyfriend and I'm scared I made a huge mistake. I know asking for positive vibes in this situation may be uncalled for but I could really use some advice that doesn't end in me losing this wonderful man.