Baby blues?

Emily
This has been difficult to write.  I've kept these thoughts in and I finally needed to vent somewhere.  My family has been trying to keep an eye on me so I try to push it all aside around people.  
I'm having a really tough time mentally.  I'm 8 weeks PP.  I gained 60 lbs while preggo.  I lost 20 within the first week due to water weight, but I've been stuck with 40 extra pounds since.  I can't get it down, everytime I go to find something to wear other than sweats I end up in tears because nothing fits.  I feel so ugly.  There are stretch marks all across my belly and I had no idea they were there until after I delivered.  I can't walk right because all of the swelling I had gave me heel Spurs so I limp everywhere.  
I love my baby girl and couldn't ask for a better behaved baby, but I feel disconnected a lot of the time.  I just look at her like she's another job I have to do my best at.  I count down the minutes until my husband gets home.  I'm still on maternity leave from my teaching job and I can't wait until I go back to work.  When people ask to hold her I don't hesitate to hand her over.  I see pictures of my life a year ago and long to have my life and body back.  
I feel like such an awful person for thinking all of these things.  I should be blessed, she's healthy and beautiful, and a lot of people would love to have what I have.  I feel like such a selfish jerk for it all.. And I bottle it all up and just explode in tears occasionally.  I'm so sorry if you read all of this.  I needed to get it out somewhere.  If my family even knew they would treat me with kid gloves.  I'm sorry.  Thank you.