I have a fear that you all might think I'm immature, selfish and stupid, but at this time I really need the support. Please help me.

As of 1 week ago, a relationship that was starting to get slightly more committed (close to dating) went haywire. He became afraid of getting too committed with me. I still don't know why he has those issues, he never specified enough details for me to comprehend. Since that time, I've been so terribly depressed. I've been depressed before and it's not fun to be back here again. 

He told me last night that he's just not ready to be involved with me yet. Maybe in the future. I see this as reasonable, but it's still not respectable to lead someone on. 

Last week I started cutting again, all along my belly and hips, and stopped eating like normal. The most calories I've had each day all week was about 200. I have been chain smoking cigarettes more than I ever have. I felt like I had lost control of something, and the only way for me to feel like I had a grip on anything was to stop eating. Since last week, I've lost so much weight. I feel more comfortable in my skinny jeans, but at the same time I know I'm killing myself. I just want to disappear.... I feel like no one would notice. 

I feel stupid getting like this all because of a boy, but to be honest, I feel so alone, and I just adored being with him. He made me feel so happy and didn't smoke-shame me. I just want him to realize we were good together and he's made a mistake by not realizing I'm special.