What's the best comeback you've ever given?

Question

What's the best comeback you've ever given to someone being rude to you or someone nearby? (Or, best comeback you wish you'd given at the time?)

Please describe the situation you were in, and how you dealt with it.

I wish I had an epic story, but I think the one time it happened to me I was so shocked I didn't know what to say. Lame! I was inspired by an old GoodMythical  Morning (YouTube channel) though, where Link describes what he would want to say: "Sorry, could you repeat that? I want to see if you're stupid enough to say that stupid thing you said one more time."

It's not the smoothest line, but I think I'd feel better for saying it. :D

Answer

I like to agree with whatever insult the person gives me just to throw them off a little. 
Unsuspecting asshat- "You're a bitch"
Me being an asshat- " I know! I woke up that way this morning and I can't seem to shake it" all said with the most confused look I can muster up.
I don't feel like handing an insult out after someone has lashed out at me solves anything.

Answer

One time my husband said that he had a head ache. So i told him he should fart and relieve some of the pressure around his head.  Lol

Answer

High school. This guy in my year yelled across the basketball court at me 
"Your fat and fucking ugly" I replied
"Right back at ya" he replied
"I'm not fat" I replied
"Yeah but your fucking ugly!" 
He had nothing after that.

Answer

At the vet today a woman asked what my puppy was so I told her she's a pit bull and she said "oh, well I don't like those. They're too aggressive". And I responded with "most narrow minded people don't like them", and gave her a big smile. My vet had to hide her face so the lady didn't see her laughing.

Answer

Years ago I had an ex accusing me of cheating (at least 6 months after we broke up) and I responded with "the only person I cheated was myself for ever being with you."

What's the best comeback you've ever given?

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