Confused

So I am an 18 year old female and my emotions want a baby but my head knows that's a bad idea. I can't afford a baby, I get stressed out to easy right now and between school (college) and work (I'm a nanny). It wouldn't be a good idea.

My boyfriend and I have been on and off for over a year. We both care for eachother a lot and he wants to get married soon and start a family. I want to start a family with him but I don't think I'm ready. I'm on a good birth control, I have the implanon, I'm just so confused about everything.

I want kids, but now isn't a good time. He knows I want to wait before I have kids.

I'm worried that the want for a baby is from my dad dieing, and missing that unconditional love.

Please am i crazy?