I'm scared to have sex again

I haven't had sex in nearly 2 years and I'm so scared to do it again. My BF is ready and wants to and will wait if I want to but I feel like I'm letting him and our relationship down. I have an unhealthy view on sex due to past experiences - I see it as dirty and that it will always end in disappointment. I've only ever slept with 4 boyfriends but each one has been quite traumatic. Does anyone have any advice?