Going downhill :/

Hey ladies, I'm just wanting to vent a little. My boyfriend and I really truly care for eachother. We have been together 5 months still waiting to say I love you because we know how strong those words are. I am 20 and he is 24. I have been in an abusive relationship. My ex completely degraded me, abused me, forced me to have sex etc..

I honestly don't think I will ever find my security again. I am the most insecure person I know. My body, the way I think, talk, walk, look EVERYTHING. and I try to push it past me and tell myself I am beautiful and a good person. I just fall right back to the ways he pounded in my head to feel. My boyfriend treats me so good and I'm seriously pushing him away ALL the time by starting g little jealousy fights or not trusting him (it's so hard for me to trust anyone). I'm giving up on myself. This happened 3 years ago. I DO NOT want to live this insecure and untrusting life any more. My boyfriend is there for me 100% and I'm so close to throwing away a good thing. If you ladies have any advice can u please share? Happy Valentine's day!