Over the weekend I found out that my brother-in-law and his wife are expecting because of something her mother posted. When I confronted my mother-in-law about it she told me that they have a June due date. Worse yet is both of my in-laws have known since Thanksgiving and didn't say anything to me or my husband; WE LIVE WITH THESE PEOPLE. They were going to hide it and not say anything until the kid was here like an "oh by the way I forgot to tell you....". My mother-in-law shed more tears over their ultrasound pic of her "1st grandchild" than she did when we told her I was pregnant and then miscarried several years ago; the baby I lost is her 1st grandkid. We've tried for the last 10/11 years and it's like our decade+ long struggle to give her a living grandchild means nothing to her because now her oldest son is giving them want they want and he's more than happy to throw that in my face. The last 10/11 years especially the last 3 have been nothing but a revolving door of doctors, tests, and pills because I desperately wanted to give her a grandkid that she could see and hold anytime she wanted; but that doesn't matter to her either. My brother-in-law lives 2500 miles away and has only come back for a visit twice in the last 7 years "because there's nothing here for him", so I highly doubt he'll bring the kid here. He'll make his own parents take time off work and spend a few grand on round trip plane tickets so they can go see his kid. And to be honest I'm not happy for my brother-in-law at all; not even a sliver and if that make me a horrible person then so be it. He's one of the biggest douchebags ever; he makes the douchebags on Jersey Shore look tame. He is so much of an asshole that when we found out I had finally gotten pregnant he couldn't be bothered to fake any happiness for us. Instead he called their little sister and told her we weren't ready to have a kid, that we should have aborted, and that he hoped I'd miscarry. He even told his own mother that he really hoped I'd lose our baby. He showed no sorrow when I miscarried or remorse for what he said; he laughed at our pain. Well he got his wish and I haven't gotten pregnant since. I'm so far beyond crushed, hurt, angry, depressed, and upset that new words would have to be invented to even begin describe how I feel. I can't handle this or life in general anymore. I just can't. It's too much.

-Monica thank you and I appreciate it.

-Ashley my brother-in-law has hated me from day one and has made it painfully clear. Before he left the state, I tried to say goodbye to him with everyone else and he walked out the door. He sent our wedding invation back to us blacked out with a note saying he wanted nothing to do with our wedding, that I was a disgrace to "his family" and didn't deserve to be part of it, and if he was still in the area he would have burnt our venue to the ground with me in it; we had been ttc for 18 months when we got married. Last time he came home for a 5 day visit I tried to play nice; he told me in front of his parents, my husband, and little sister-in-law that he didn't want to see my fucking face and if I didn't leave he would make me leave. Nobody said anything. I packed 2 bags, grabbed my pups, and disappeared for a month. What a fantastic guy huh? All I asked of my family and friends was to be honest with me and not hide anything when it came to this subject. My husband's best friend, who is more of an older brother to me than my husband's own brother has ever been, told me they were expecting before they announced shortly after their 1st wedding anniversary and it hurt. It hurt even more because he said their baby was an accident and had the same due date as the baby I lost but he told me. And I never said my brother-in-law not telling me was throwing it in my face. This message from him I got yesterday is throwing it in my face. "Haha it took us a year to conceive and we're at 5 months while all you've been capable of is conceiving once in the last 11 years and losing it. That's all you'll ever be capable of because you're damaged goods and useless. Have fun being around my parents while they're happy that I can give them what they've wanted for a long time and you can't. I hope your ptsd and depression kick into overdrive and you shoot yourself because my parents are so happy with me." What a great older brother he is, eh? So I'm the jerk? How else am I supposed to react? Like it's all roses and rainbows?