I didnt know where else to turn. I use this app bc I am ttc but I have googled and googled can't find where to post and get responses.

In my past longest relationship, you know, what your younger you thinks is first love! (or hell, call it what you may) I thought I loved this Uber jerk. He conned me into giving it up WAY before I was ready. I hated that. anyways. stupid little me.. As time went on, I found out he was cheating on me, A LOT. not only that then soon came him acting really weird, really high. I knew he smoked pot but this was different. I was always paying for everything.. he never had money. Then my stuff started going missing. I'd call him out on it and say listen people are telling me you're on heroin. (in my head I'm like wow isn't this shit just in movies) he denied and denied it. little did I know what I was into.

He started getting abusive. shit he already was. just making it physical now. I vowed to myself that if I was ever put in half the situations I endured I'd leave immediately. No sir. you think it's you. he is doing all of this because of you. Something wrong with you. something isn't good enough.

If I knew what I knew now back then, and wasn't so blind, he would have been incarcerated far before it happened. repeatedly. I lived in hell. hell on earth.

He had a cellphone, I had a landline. He had free roam to come and go as he pleased, I was only allowed to work. I was the working full time to pay for everything. The abuse I endured and trying to wrap my head around addiction, try to understand what, why, how.. etc. It change me for life.

He was on the run, and he ordered me to stay with him. I tried to escape, leave, run, he would always snatch me up. The day (broad day light!) he shoved me into a concrete slab, I instantly bruised a large amount, he dragged me back inside threatening me yelling at me gor trying to leave him. I finally fought back. He was high and climbed on top of me. I spit in his face and hit him a couple times to try to get him off of me. needless to say he won. finally, ended up getting caught which was a blessing. I ran like hell home. Found a way home and promised myself I would never go back. I would start my life all over. Then I found out that I was half way through a pregnancy. Remember that concrete slab he jammed me into? HE'S SO VERY LUCKY HE DIDN'T HURT MY BABY. (she is beautiful, so alive, healthy, and doesn't even know a monster like him exists) I did the single mom routine for a long time. We have always done excellent without him.

I am now with my lifetime crush. We are engaged! Everything is always great between us. He is my best friend. He treats my little one just as his own. We both work, the lil one goes to grade school. He does tattoos for a side job, extra money. He is so talented! I have been having much trust issues because of my prior experiences with the lies, cheating, hurt, etc. This is obviously causing issues between us. He calls me psycho and I try to get him to understand that it's hard for me to trust easily. He says I need to let go. Trust him. I do. I do trust him. It's the girls I don't. I don't even like him touching another female to make money for us, doing the tattooing.

I honestly don't intend to start fights, or get jealous easily but boy do I ever. It's like I can't control it, I try but my mind instantly has me spit out my different forms of hatred and trust issues. Tonight he said I am going to end up losing him if I don't change my ways.

Is there any way, anything, anyone can suggest to help me copy with this?

my fiancé brothers are on heroin. one was just placed into a rehab by the courts. I don't want to keep him from his brothers but I do want to shelter him from the drug use. especially my child. I have said very rude things out of hatred of heroin towards the brothers. I didn't hate them, but the drug itself. what it does to people, even inadvertently. I have been praying so much. getting lost in my mind, thinking of the pros the cons different ways to think, handle stuff. I keep getting jealous of other girls easily and angry when I hear the word heroin.