Long and emotional. Please help
I was a virgin before I met my husband. I wanted to be in love before I lost my virginity because I knew that for me sex is associated with love and that's it (in my opinion). He is the same way but he had a sexual experience before me. And that always hurt me so much and I don't know why. Whenever I would ask him he hated it so much. Said it was terrible, awful, wished it didn't happen. He's asked me not to talk to him about it. I asked him once and he started to cry.
But ive been having some weird discharge and I was worried it could be from an STD so I talked to him and asked him to tell me the details. It was so painful for him to tell me.
He met a girl online in Greece. He went to her house after a movie. He said he wanted to go. She said no. She offered to pay him money for the later train. He kept saying no. He didn't like her and wasn't attracted to her. She took him to the bed and told him to lay down. Then they started talking to each other. She then started touching him and then she got on top and did everything 😓
He didn't want to. He said he was in shock and he didn't even feel anything physically. He grew up in Syria...a Muslim society where sexuality isn't displayed openly. Which maybe is why he didn't understand what was happening.
He hates thinking about it and it's so terrible. He said he doesn't remember or want to remember and his first time was with me.
He feels guilty that he betrayed his religion and asks for forgiveness. But I think he was raped. He just told me the details yesterday and I had no idea. This was so traumatizing to him.
Do you think it was rape? But why was he physically able if he didn't want to. He said he was in so much shock and didn't even feel it.
I feel terrible. I don't even know what to think. I hate how it bothered me before because it shouldn't matter. Only we should matter. Our experiences. He said I am his first. That that was painful and nothing.
I hope he's telling the truth. And I hope he can heal from that awful thing. I am going to so my best never to bring it up again. Because I really had no idea that this was rape. And he did not either. But I told him and he understands.
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