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To all NICU Moms...

Our rainbow baby after almost 10yrs of 7 miscarriages all in the first trimester. This pregnancy was not easy. Around 16-17wks, I developed optic neuritis due to autoimmune & pregnancy and completely lost vision in my left eye. The pain was unbearable! It ranged from 8-15 pain scale. Went to 3 different hospitals, saw about 40 different doctors who were all stumped. Doctors couldn't treat it, they only could stabilize me. My body finally couldn't take it anymore at 33wks+5days I had to do an emergency C-section due to preeclampsia. "MJ", Myles Jr., birth went by so quick. I barley got to see or be near him for more than a minute before they took him to the NICU. I actually didn't even get to see him until the next night because they had me on Magnesium and I couldn't leave my room. I felt so horrible. Not only did I give birth early but I couldn't see the child I gave birth to meanwhile everyone else have and told me stories about it. At first his blood sugar was not stabilized, he didn't do well on the formula, he had severe jaundice. I can't breastfeed due to all the medications that I'm on. But day after day he kept improving. The hardest part for me so far has been when I got discharged but had to leave him behind. Talk about going crazy! I didn't realize I was having a panic attack at that time. I was freaking out that I was leaving the hospital without a baby. It took my husband about an hour to calm me down and kept telling me that it's the best place for him to be. I do realize that but at that moment, your emotions just takes over. I sobbed all the way home. My husband was so kind to take me back a couple hours later to see him again.

Every day when I visit MJ, there's a couple who also visits their daughter who is next to our son. While we get to hear improvements on our son, I can hear the news the other parents are getting too and it's not the same progress as ours. I know it's hard to witness that. I wish all babies would progress at a healthy rate or maybe that we couldn't hear about how ahead or behind someone else's child is doing while ours might not be doing so well. The Mom would keep breaking down. I told her tonight to just hang in there. And I'll keep praying for them.

I pray for every Mom, Dad, baby(s), family that are going through the NICU. I pray for God to bless the doctors and nurses with knowledge, compassion, and strength to keep helping our babies. I pray that you hang on even when it's so dark and hopeless. Wherever you are, just know someone is praying for you and your baby. Because people would tell me that they do it for me and it really helps. I couldn't have made or still make it through this without God and the support I have. This post might not help you or doesn't have the substance you want. But I hope it helps someone out there who's up at 12-4AM, like I was, reading through this app when I couldn't go to sleep. May God bless you and your family. We hope MJ doesn't have to stay in the NICU too long but we're fine with where God takes us. It's day 5 for him in there. He's on 3 bottles a day now, one light for jaundice, and is improving. My left vision may never return again but I still have one good eye. There's always a bright side, just try to stay focus on that side even when you don't want to. 💖