My boyfriend who is in his late 30's grew up in a very verbally, emotionally and sometimes physically abusive home at the hands of his mother. She is a very controlling woman who expects to be pampered and have noresponsibility. She is also a functioning alcoholic. When my boyfriend was young and would act up she would take a leather strap that she had hanging on the wall to hit him strange thing is is he has two siblings that were never hit. She singled him out.  My bf resents his mother I would even say he hates her but he is able to put on a nice face for family functions for the sake of his dad. Now what has me confused is he displays a lot of the same traits as his mom. He feels entitled, he expects traditionally make/female roles, he is verbally abusive and the craziest thing is I don't think he sees how his actions are a mirror image of the woman he hates actions( minus the physical abuse, he had never put a finger on me). My question is how do I go about telling him that he acts exactly the way his mother does without it coming out as an insult?  I just want to tell him as a possible wake up call.