A jumble of emotions ?

M • Mommy & Wife, love my life 😊
I was really hoping this was my month but nope AF had to show her freaking ugly face ?
I'm so angry, sad, frustrated, and anxious all at once.  I feel like punching in a window but then I'll probably just cry because I broke it...seriously bugging out here.  I want a baby so badly but I'm so over this TTC stuff it sucks!  I know everyone says the trick is to stop trying and focusing on it but I can't, I have Multiple Sclerosis and had to go through an almost 6 month process of prepping my body including going off meds just to start trying!  Not trying or focusing for me means putting my body in danger of my disease or going back on meds?  I wish I could just lay in bed all day today and cry but I have to pull myself together and go be choreographer at a dance show all day ?